Grace Under Fire

My helpful quote for the day

2011-08-11T23:41:00.008-05:00

I'm leaving everything I know in less than a week. I sure hope college is a blast.

"If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be.

Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places.

Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart

and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness,

don't waste time with regret. And if you should ever look up

and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over.

Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart...

where your hope lives. You'll find your way again."

-Gilmore Girls

About 7 months now.

2011-01-20T17:35:00.003-06:00

It's a very strange feeling, knowing that almost everything in your life is going to completely change in the next 7 months. I won't be with my family all the time. I'm moving away from all of my friends, my church. No more high school. (Thank you Jesus.) It's just weird to know that you're gonna have to make big decisions that will make a huge impact on the rest of your life.
I'm really excited, but really scared.

Almost Christmas!

2010-12-18T23:20:00.002-06:00

Winter break is so nice.
I just love Christmas time.

A...Poem?

2010-06-08T20:59:00.004-05:00

So this is a poem I wrote that follows absolutely
no pattern at all. haha. It's just random thoughts
all jumbled up into this...thing. :)

A cherished gift,
Grasped tightly with both hands,
Wishing never to let go.
Then everything turns,
The places reversed,
Rust meets sapphire.
It is all understood,
Words are not necessary,
Necessity is intertwining,
Inner-most passion,
However, intensity is not normality.

The balance is shifting,
You're forced to lose control.
Vulnerability is not easily let go.
The thoughtful release of sought out answers.
We want to know, yet afraid of our own judgments.
Fingertips touch, shocked by emotion.
Silence is no longer self-defense.

Winter Retreat 2010

2010-02-16T21:46:00.001-06:00

I went to my church's retreat this last weekend.
I've been asked from many different people to explain what this weekend
was like for me, what happened, what I learned.
Honestly, I can't think of a better way to explain it, but through writing.
Because when I talk about it, I tend to forget major details,
please bear with me as I jump from topic to topic. :)

Friday, February 12th-Day 1

Who is God?
We usually associate who he is, through what he means to us at the moment,
or in the current situation we are in.
For example, if you are upset, you view him as your comforter (which he is).
If you are unhappy, you may view him as your joy. (which he also is.)
Or if you are heartbroken, you may view him as your healer. (again, he is.)
But we tend to associate him only with those things that we want him to be.
We forget that he is so much more than our healer, comforter and our joy.
He is every good and amazing thing we could ever think of.
Which blows my mind.

A heart needs four things. (according to Jon Tyson.)
1. A sense of Wonder.
2. A quest for Truth.
3. True Love.
4. Security.

Jesus is all of those things.
Many people look for these things in everything other than God.
I'm not saying that you cannot have wonder, truth, love and security
in people. But before you can truly find those things in people, you
have to find them in God.

He's forgiven everyone for all of the horrible things you've done.
All of the sins that you've committed.
He was there when you did them, and he's here now.

Saturday, February 13th-Day 2

The speed of Life.
We go through everyday constantly thinking about what else we have
to accomplish that day, that week, that month, that year.

People find life so hard to appreciate now because we have an
idealized future. But we have to fully engage ourselves in what's
going on NOW. Not tomorrow, not yesterday, now.

(Matthew 6 v. 25, Do not worry about tomorrow, today has enough
trouble of it's own.)

God doesn't think about our to-do list, or the mistakes we've made in the past.
He cares about us today, and everyday.
You cannot find God if you rush through your life.

To be able to live in the now, we have to be able to pray about our
problems, to be still, and spend time with God.
A lot of people know the bible, very few know themselves.

We need to:
1. Walk slowly through the world.
2. Take the time to notice where God is working, and has worked in your life.
3. Be here NOW. Be fully present.

Sunday, February 14th-Day 3

We have to be able to arrange our lives in the way where sin and temptation
no longer looks good to us. We have to be so on fire for God that we are no
longer affected by the things that Satan is tempting us with.

All temptation is, is something to try and make you doubt God.

Satan will do anything in his power to rob you of your Joy.
Because joyless Christianity, is not Christianity, because our God
is a God of complete Joy.

Christianity is about Joy and Celebration.

Alright, well that's what I learned this weekend, and I hope
you learned something as well. :)

2010-02-15T12:12:00.002-06:00

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully rung with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell."
-CS Lewis.

2010-02-06T11:51:00.001-06:00

For you I'd bleed myself dry.

2010-02-06T09:27:00.000-06:00

I am a firm and solid believer that love is a movement and the only movement that is worth putting in motion. Love is a revolution and can change the world and should not be taken lightly. If people were to set a pattern of love, it would cause others to do the same, setting of a movement that could change the world not out of selfish ambition but through longing to see the most important element we have come alive in this world: love.

2010-02-04T17:46:00.000-06:00

Boys are stupid.

End of story.

What happens...happens.

2010-01-29T21:20:00.003-06:00

It's a good idea to pray about what you're supposed
to do about everything you're worried about.
This advice can be considered hypocritical, because
I consider myself religious and yet I don't pray about everything.

But honestly, not being in control of your life takes alot off your shoulders.
Just pray about everything and surrender it.

What happens is meant to happen even if it's not what you planned.

...

2010-01-28T06:45:00.002-06:00

Reality was finally better than my dreams.
Now they both suck.

College

2010-01-20T18:36:00.004-06:00

Everyone's always talking about what they want to do when they get older.
The thing they're majoring in in college. And yeah, people always say
"You don't have to know your major until your junior year"
Yeah?!? Well then why are people always bothering me about it?
I tell them I don't know, and they give me a knowing look with a sad nod and say, "Oh, well don't worry."
It's hard not to when people are freaking out about it.
Honestly.
I don't know what I want to do, where I want to go, what subjects I like. I don't even know what im good at.
This is awesome.

Failure.

2009-12-12T17:04:00.002-06:00

I am not ashamed of my failures because
I know that I have the power to fix them.

And so it goes

2009-12-12T16:57:00.003-06:00

We are singing this song in choir, and I really like it.
So I decided to post the lyrics :)

In every heart there is a room.
A sanctuary safe and strong.
To heal the wounds from lovers past.
Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones.
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much.
My silence is my self defense.

And every time I've held a rose,
It seems I only felt the thorns.
And so it goes, and so it goes.
And so will you soon I suppose.

But if my silence made you leave,
then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you,
and you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed.
It's just as well for all I've seen.
and so it goes, and so it goes.
And you're the only one who knows.

So, I would choose to be with you.
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decideions too,
and you can have this heart to break

And so it goes and so it goes
and you're the only one who knows.

-Billy Joel
And so it goes

Odd.

2009-09-20T11:27:00.003-05:00

Life has been strange lately...
everything has been changing so rapidly.
School's going by fast.
Making new friends.
Trying not to lose old ones.

Day 7

2009-08-16T12:33:00.005-05:00

So today I helped out in our kid connect thing with all the second graders.
I don't have any more energy. Those children are just crazy.
I had three girls in my group and like 8 boys.
Honestly, no offense to guys, but little boys are just plain annoying.
Girls are so much more calm and collected and sweet.
Boys are just like hitting and playing with swords and throwing
things at eachother. Ugh.
But anyway. Today is the last day for this school blog thing.
And I still have to finish working on some chapters for U.S. history.
Andddd I have to clean my room, andddd
I have area bible studies tonight.
But I enjoy that.

Busy week ahead of me.
Summer please come quickly.

Day 6

2009-08-16T12:27:00.004-05:00

Whoops. I forgot to write on here yesterday.
Oh well. It was a pretty uneventful and long day yesterday.
Well except for the fact that Josiah died.
On his birthday.
He was the guy that I talked about a few days ago.
His entire church was praying for him, as well as our
entire high school. But, some good things came out of
it. He saved five lives with his organs.
His memorial service is on tuesday.
This is depressing.

Day 5

2009-08-14T22:18:00.002-05:00

These last two days of school have felt like two weeks.
Literally.
It's just horrible.
And guess what?
School started on thursday, I have two tests on monday,
wednesday, and friday. Isn't school just wonderful?
But anyway, tomorrow is saturday so that's good.
But I have to read three chapters and take notes the whole
day. But then it's sunday and its church time. yaaay.

Day 4

2009-08-13T21:48:00.003-05:00

School started today. Got up at five forty.
Not. Fun.
For the entire day, in every SINGLE class, all we learned were rules.
My Schedule...

1st period- Statistics. The teacher seems pretty awesome.
But its math. Me + Math = Bad things.

2nd period- English III Honors. I think it's gonna be a fun class.
Except for all of the video projects we will have to do.
Fabulous.

3rd period- Chemistry. My Teacher is insane. She doesn't like me already.
She said she could "see the talking" in my eyes. Whaaat? No.

4th period- Visual Communications. I'm really excited for this class!
The first half is going to be about design and such, and the second half
is all about photography! Woo!

5th period- AP U.S. History. This is going to be a haaaard class.
Which I knew going into it. But, I like history, so it's all good.

6th period- Lunch! We have an hour again, which is awesome.

7th- Chamber Choir. This will be...interesting. Since it's a step up
from regular chorus and you had to audition, it's gonna be pretty hard.
But hopefully....a good GPA booster.

8th- Study Hall. This class is insane. There are 200 kids in the cafe
and only one teacher. Not good.

Anyway...after school I came home and relaxed for a while.
Then I met up with some people and we went to target to get some
school stuff then we went out to eat. It was pretty awesome.
It's friday tomorrow.
But it's school.
It makes me want to vomit.

Day 3

2009-08-12T15:37:00.003-05:00

So I went to Khols this morning with my sisters and my mom.
I bought some cute new clothes, Khols always has good deals. :)

I'm almost done taking notes on my AP history book!
It's actually pretty interesting, so I hope that means
that the class will be as well.

My sister gets to go to the Demi Lovato concert tonight.
I'm kinda jealous, because that girl has an awesome voice.
But I get to go to youth group tonight, so it's all good.

One of my friend's brother got into a car accident last night.
Hopefully he'll be alright. His brain is swelling and they aren't
sure if he'll make it. We just have to keep praying.

And last and least.
School starts tomorrow.
Boo.

Day 2

2009-08-11T10:47:00.003-05:00

So today I've just been finishing up my English work.
I have a doctors appointment that I have to go to.
I have to get two shots, and I am not very excited about it.
Then tonight, I'm going to see Harry Potter 6...for the fourth time.
But the only reason I'm going is because my friend wants
me to meet her boyfriend.
So...it should be an interesting day.

Day 1

2009-08-10T12:21:00.005-05:00

Okay, so everyday this week I have to
"Make an effort to document my daily life online".
Its for summer enrichment for school.
Soooooooo yesterday, I went to church.
I helped out with "kids connect"
which is like sunday school for 1st through 5th graders.
It was fun. Except at the end they had a competition
to see what leader could have the most signatures on their feet.
It was a little messy....
So today, I've mostly just been chilling out.
Talking to some friends on facebook, and doing the
rest of my english summer stuff.
Also I need to start outlining my
American History Ap book...sounds super fun right?

Photoshoot

2009-06-30T09:27:00.008-05:00

So a couple days ago I got kinda bored, so I decided to do a photoshoot with my little sister, Hope you like the pictures :)

New York City!

2009-06-06T11:18:00.007-05:00

So this past week, my family and I drove up to New York City because my choir sang at Carnegie Hall. It was pretty awesome. Here are some pictures I took on the way there,
and in New York.

"What Happened to Lani Garver"

2009-05-27T20:32:00.008-05:00

I have never read a book that made me really emotional or made me change drastically in the few minutes after I was done reading it. The book I just read is called "What happened to Lani Garver" (hence the name of this post) It's one of those books that you will remember for the rest of your life. In this book there are a couple of pretty big teen conflicts going on. For example: Peer-pressure, homosexuality, eating disorders, divorce, cancer, AIDS, Bullying and stereotyping (or 'boxes' as Lani Garver called them). I'm not sure why, but reading this book was very psychologically demanding for me. Not in a bad way, it was just something different and unexpected.

The book deals with some horrible things arising from homophobia. The violence from these acts helps Claire find out who her friends really are, and how crazy the world is. Claire feels like she is an outsider because she missed more than a year because of her cancer, but when she meets Lani, everything changes. She realizes what a real friendship should be like.

Both Claire and her 'best friend' Macey see a new student at school one day.

They think that its strange because they don't know if the student is a girl or a boy.

That's because the kid had a feminine face that was hidden behind long hair, however, the student had no physhical attributes that would have made it obvious what gender 'it' was.

When Macey asks if the person is a girl, the teen giggles and says no. The main character, Claire just assumes that the kid is a boy, although her never stated if he was or not. However he did say his name was pronounced 'Law-nee' instead of 'Lay-nee'. Which made "him" seem more masculine.

Later in the story you find out about the tremendous problems that Claire and Lani have. Claire suffers from EDO (eating disorders), possesive friends, and dreams where she is obsessed with razor blades.

The main problem Lani has is that everone on the small island (and everywhere he has moved or run away to) thinks that he's homosexual because it's hard to tell what gender he is.

Throughout the book, you are never told that he is homosexual. He just seems a little feminine, but he also seems almost fatherly to Claire, he seems too smart, too sensible.

Lani never tells Claire, or anyone how old he is, or his true gender.

In the middle of the book someone mentions something called a floating angel.

A floating angel is an angel that is neither a girl or a boy, it is something intensely good
and nice to everyone. They come into people's lives at critical moments. But they can never tell anyone what they are. Because everyone would be nice to an angel if they knew for sure if the person was one...right?

Claire throughout the novel, finds out things about herself and about Lani that suprise her.

She finds out who she is.

However, there is a tragic end that challenges Claire to face the new world she has found.

I think everyone should read this book, it really opened my eyes to a lot of things.

I'm not exactly sure why I was so emotional after reading it, but it's now one of my favorites.

My favorite part of the book?

"People probably think It's strange that they can stare at me, and I smile and wave, and pick up dropped books for people in the hall, and visit kids with cancer when I have time. I wish someone would ask me why I'm like that. I would love to say, 'You're supposed to be kind to everyone, because you never know when you're meeting an angel.' I could say that much and know I was speaking the truth."

"What Happened to Lani Garver"

Written by: Carol Plum-Ucci

2009-05-14T16:14:00.000-05:00

Doubt your doubts, believe your beliefs.
-Jon Foreman

Spring Break!

2009-05-07T20:37:00.004-05:00

I have no homework...so picture time :)

2009-05-06T19:31:00.003-05:00

Only...days till...

2009-05-05T17:31:00.002-05:00

Ahhh.
My life has been crazy lately.
I've had so much stuff going on.
Its getting me really quite stressed out.
Exams are in two weeks.
A couple of my teachers don't teach.
Which isn't good since, again...exams are in two weeks.
Spring Fling is next friday.
School gets out in two weeks. (yessssss)
New York Trip in three weeks!!
Coldplay concert in four weeks!!
Maybe going to see one of my best friends in five or six weeks!!
My birthday in....two months and nineteen days!!
Jonas Brothers concert in three months!!
andddd school starts again in 97 days.
and the routine starts over from there.
soo graduation is only...744 days away!!
If I did my math correctly. Which would be a triumph for me...

Rain, Rainbows, and Flowers.

2009-04-03T19:58:00.003-05:00

Technicolor Phase

2009-04-03T19:54:00.002-05:00

I've been listening to this song for a couple weeks now.
I am in love with the lyrics. I don't know why.
But the way the lyrics are put together is just...so interesting to me.
It's called "Technicolor Phase" By Owl City.

I am the red in the rose, the flowers on the blankets on your bedroom floor.
And I am the gray in the ghost that hides with your clothes behind your closet door.
I am the green in the grass that bends back from underneath your feet.
And I am the blue in your back alley view where the horizon and the rooftops meet.
If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars.
You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are.
(wherever you are) (I will always be your keyswhen we are lost in the technicolor phase)
The black in the book the letters on the pages that you memorize.
And I am the orange in the overcast of color that you visualize.
I am the white in the walls that soak up all the sound when you cannot sleep.
And I am the peach in the starfish on the beach that wish the harbor wasn't quite so deep.
If you cut me I suppose I would bleed the colors of the evening stars. (my darling)
You can go anywhere you wish cause I'll be there, wherever you are. (my darling)

Thoughts anyone? :)

Winter Retreat 2009

2009-02-16T17:57:00.001-06:00

Winter Retreat 2009

Thanks for acting like you care

2009-02-08T21:16:00.002-06:00

I don't know who to believe.
How are you supposed to know if someone cares about you FOR REAL?
Because Ive had friends where, it comes to a certain time where I really
do love them. And all of a sudden its like...
"Nevermind. Lets pretend we were never friends, that we never talked. Bye."
I hate loosing people like that.
And it makes me so aware of the people around me.
I don't want anyone else to just get up and leave at any given moment.
I want to be there for as many of my friends as possible.
No matter how many mistakes they have made.
I want to be the person they go to when they are having problems.
I want to be the person they go to when they have a secret that they need to share.
I want to be the person that they can rely on for anything.
But...I was thinking about it.
If I want all of those things, I think that I need to win this battle that I've been fighting.
Lately, I've just felt really under fire. (Ironic isn't it?)
I've been really battling everything around me.
No one can tell on the outside, but It's been pretty difficult so far.
I think I'm winning.

Grace

2009-01-21T21:21:00.002-06:00

Grace: The freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

There are two reasons that I named this blog Grace Under Fire.
1. My middle name is Grace.
2. The above definition means alot to me.

We can't survive without God's grace.
He gives grace to us everyday, everytime we sin.
He loves us no matter what we have said or done.
No matter what we have thought.

I need to remind myself of that sometimes.

It's Strange

2009-01-12T21:09:00.003-06:00

It's so strange how words, songs, people can change your mood dramatically.
For Instance...I've noticed when I am around certain people, I feel happier.
Or even when I just talk to them, the way things look seem a little brighter.
But then just thinking about someone else...can make you depressed.
My mood just changed twice in that paragraph, mostly because I spent
like an hour between writing it, but still, it did.
The difference was, that the first couple sentences I was just sitting talking
to my mom, not thinking about anything stressful.
The last sentence, I was talking to one of my friends about someone that
hurt me a little while back.
It dramatically changed my attitude and even my physical appearance.
Not in the way that my facial features distorted, or my hair turned
an odd shade of blue.
But in the way that my shoulders are droopy, and I don't look...happy.
I'm talking to one of my friends now.
I'll be okay.
:)

January 3rd

2009-01-03T17:42:00.004-06:00

Wow. I haven't written in a long time.
For some reason, I just can't figure out anything to write about.
Nothing seems interesting at the moment.
Well. I'm on Christmas break. Im going back to school on tuesday...
I don't know why it's just not monday. But im not complaining.
Christmas was fun. Our family got together, talked, played games.
Stuff like that.
I've really just stayed home these whole two weeks though.
And I actually want to go back to school on Tuesday.
I miss seeing all my friends.
Im tired.

Autumn

2008-11-13T21:46:00.010-06:00

I love autumn so much. It's cold outside, so you can snuggle up with a blanket and a good book, with some hot tea. It makes me really happy, to see the trees turn beautiful colors of red, orange and yellow. But it's also sad, because things are dying, and it represents what is going to happen to us someday. The other day, I went outside with my camera, and listened to my ipod, the music really inspired me, and I took some pictures of the fall, of the warmth, and of the sadness.

Love

2008-11-13T20:53:00.008-06:00

"I show it, and tell it, to make sure people feel it."

Just a few minutes ago I was talking with one of my good friends.

We had a short conversation on how each of us expresses love.

I think it's really, very important to show people that you love them,

to be kind, and sweet.But I also think that its important to tell them

as well. Because you never know how people interpret things, or what

they think. So, yeah go out and show your friends and family that you

love them, but tell them that you love them too, make sure they know it.

Because one day, they won't be here.

Fear

2008-11-02T20:10:00.004-06:00

My Greatest Fear
1. That I will never fall in love.

I've been trying to think of more than that...so I could
put it plural (My Greatest Fears) But I can't really.
Obviously I'm scared of loosing my family and everything...
but I know that I will see them in heaven. But if I don't
have true love on earth...well you get the point.
It seriously terrifies me.
Everyone always tells me-
"You'll find someone!"
"You are only in high school!"
"Don't even worry about it!"
Oh yeah?? Well I do.
And yes...those are very very possible.
But what if they aren't true.
There are people out there.

Overthinking

2008-10-24T23:38:00.004-05:00

I have a big problem.
I've had it for years.
I overthink things.
To the extreme.
It can get me into some pretty rotten trouble.
I can't help it though.
Something someone says might keep me up at
night trying to figure out hidden meanings...
Or i might see some one, they'll look at me
differently than they usually do, and i just think
too much about it.
It's one of my big flaws.

?

2008-10-17T21:35:00.005-05:00

Have you ever wanted something so badly…so desperately,
that it actually hurts to think about it?

Sisters.

2008-10-12T14:43:00.005-05:00

So today, i stayed home. My grandpa and grandma are here from Washington D.C. and we just wanted to relax today. While the rest of my family was upstairs, me and my sister, L, were downstairs. We were playing guitar. She's pretty good at it. Even though she hasn't been playing long. We were playing the Jason Mraz song, I'm Yours. Its pretty easy to play, and she taught me how! Anyway...this post really doesn't have a point at all, but i was just thinking...in a little while, i'll be gone. I won't really be able to just goof around with my little sisters, or have days to talk or play music. It really makes me upset. That soon all that i know is going to change, and ill be new to everything. I find it scary. My sister wrote me a poem for my birthday in July. It was about many different things in our past. I started crying when i read it. Because in the end it said
"Now that your older, it leaves me only a couple years left until the day when you'll leave me and drive away. I'll cry and cry and cry all day. Cause then you'll be grown and you'll go to college and learn, learn, learn. Then you'll meet the man of your dreams. You will walk down the isle with him hand in hand, side by side, laugh by laugh. You will live your life. Then you will hear the cry of your baby girl, you'll see her foot take its first step, her mouth speak her first word, you'll see her eye's shut and her head bow, and hear her first precious prayer to the Lord. And i will know how that felt because you are always there for me and i know you always will be. You are my big sister who i love so much. And through our lives we will be loving eachother. Hand in hand. Side by side. Laugh by laugh. Loving God and eachother until our last breath on earth. Then we will live eternity with the Lord our God. And you will still be my loving big sister."

I hate how she can write so well. That seriously made me cry. To think that i will be gone soon.

Here's a couple connecting videos that my two youngest sister took when me and L were goofing around.

Without my friends...

2008-10-11T10:47:00.009-05:00

So this morning i went on http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

and was looking at all of the secrets.

I found one that i completely and totally related to.

And really...its sooo true.

Without my friends i wouldn't weigh as much as i do now,

because we wouldn't be constantly eating when we hang out.

Without my friends i would defiantly have more money.

I cannot express how much money i have spent with my friends.

Probably around like...500 dollars total (we've been friends for a

while now.) Then without my friends i would have a higher GPA. Now that's a given. I wouldn't have all the distractions (texting, facebook) so i would be able to study more. And then that last statement really hit me. I would be miserable. I think back to all the fun times and random conversations, and funny quotes. I know i would be miserable, because all of those times wouldn't exist. I think sometimes i take my friends for granted. So i just need to be grateful for all of the times, and realize how much different i would be without them. Of course some things i would like (money, being skinny, and higher GPA) but in reality, I'm glad i have my friends, even though i would have that stuff. Stuff doesn't matter in the long run. How you treat people, and how you love people is what matters.

Forever

2008-10-03T20:17:00.004-05:00

As kids we are told "forever" over and over again in fairy tales and other such stories that are bigger than our young little minds. In those stories rainbows and love and happiness live on forever, hardly ever changing or growing or disappearing after the words "Happily ever after" are muttered and the story book is closed.
But as we grow up we learn the truth of forever. It is a reality, just one not as easily reached as we once thought. Rainbows fade, even with the sun and not solely darkness, love often lies to us and flees with time, and even happiness cannot spread itself evenly over the span of anyone's life. The truth of forever is that it is never going to lighten up or bend itself for something that wasn't meant to last.
So then how do you know when you have something in your life that has the strength to last forever? How do you measure that? How do you believe in the forever kind of things as you grow up and experience things, and the world shows you how foolish your childhood stories really were? It's all about feelings i guess.
It's a very youthful thing, giving over to your feelings.
A part of you has to stay young in order to surrender to them.
And it's all about passion. Passion is one of the strongest feelings we have.

The Best Times.

2008-09-21T20:41:00.007-05:00

So on friday night my best friends hung out together, and i went to a

'rootbeer kegger' (bad experience). But anyway, i didnt get to hang

out with them. I really wish i did, so i could have been involved with

everything that was going on. Because all of them said that it was one

of the best nights of their lives. That really upset me.

To know that i wasn't involved with this group event that was so wonderful.

But i was reminded by one of them that it didn't really matter

that i hadn't been there. They all love me, and there will be other great nights.

And i was reminded by another, that i was involved in one of her best nights,

where we stayed up for hours and talked and talked. It was wonderful.

That's what best friends are for.

And i love mine.

Even if we get into fights sometimes.

More Photos

2008-08-09T12:07:00.005-05:00

Haha so i had a mini photoshoot with my sisters...it was really fun.

Here are some of the pictures.

Poems

2008-08-09T11:42:00.005-05:00

Here are some poems that i've written.

Most of them aren't very good. But i would still like to share them with you.

"The Key to My Heart"
God, You are the key to my heart.
You take the key, open the door, walk into my heart, right onto my shore.
My love is the ocean, my faith is the sky, my prayers are the clouds that float by.
But you, God are the universe to me, that very thing, I cannot deny.

"The Nights"
Whenever there is a storm,
After the lightning
Before the thunder
As i try to dream
Sleep finds me
After the dreams
As i rise
Before the dawn
Although i'm tired
I must go on.

"Pain"
Pain
Pain is as blue as our tears
It happens when everything falls apart
Pain is someone crying themselves to sleep
Tears running down their face.

"I'll make it"
It happens once more,
Another heart shattered,
Another peice of the puzzle-lost.
You said you would be here,
Never to leave,
But you made my heart tear,
And left me here to bleed.
But God will help me through,
After all these bends,
With his unfailing love,
I'll make it till the end.

"Love"
Love
Love is as red as the sunrise
It happens when you look them in the eye
It sounds like two hearts beating.
Love

"Silence"
Laughter turns to smiles,
Smiles turn to tears,
Tears turn to silence,
There is nothing left to hear.

Photos

2008-08-08T23:02:00.004-05:00

Some random photos i've taken. =)

It would be fun to be a photographer. Don't you think?

Hosanna

2008-08-08T22:09:00.005-05:00

So i went to Church Camp about a month ago.
If you are a teenager, and you have never been to
a summer or winter camp.

You need to go.

I cannot even begin to explain what an impact
camp had on me.

I went to my first winter camp two years ago.
Not knowing anyone.
Going for three days.
I was freaked out to say the least.

But i'm unbelievably glad that i went.
It made me figure out that i can have a personal
relationship with God.

I had been taught this all of my life of course.
But i had never really known it.

I have talked to many of the adults that went
to those camps with us to supervise.
And all of them were amazed to see all of us worship.

For some reason i feel most comfortable with God
when i'm singing.
I feel a certain closeness that i just don't feel when
the preacher is talking.
It makes me sad sometimes.
But i wouldn't change those times for anything.

I'm going to try and explain to you how worship is
at a camp filled with 380 high school students , most
of them only knowing a few people.

So everyone is standing up. Singing at the top of their
lungs, reaching up, or out, however they feel comfortable.
You can look around you and just see everyone sobbing,
but smiling and laughing, not caring what people think of them
at that moment in time. Not caring if people are looking at them.
Just focused on the music, and the lyrics, and that feeling
that God is with you.

Ahh. Its amazing.

There were so many songs that made people just let go.
I couldn't believe the unity of everyone.

The last night that we were there, we sang a few songs,
had a session that the guest speaker taught, and then we sang one
more song.

Hosannah.

Everyone got out of their seats and went to the front of the room.
We were all squished together, holding hands with the people next
to us. (on one side of me happened to be miley cyrus's brother... odd)
But anyway. We were all singing and comforting eachother, and just
holding everyone.

I think that proves that you do need other people in your relationship
with God.

You need people to help you get to the next level of faith. You need
bonds.

Such as the Chapman Family.

Steven Curtis Chapman is a Christian Singer, who has 3 adopted
girls from China, and two biological sons, and one biological daughter.

Their seventeen year old son ran over their 5 year old daughter Maria
in the driveway by accident.

It just makes me so mad. Horrible things happen to such wonderful
people. Its just....horrible.

But i watched a video of the Chapman family on Good Morning America.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh2VFkF7NLo
and they were talking about their loss, and that what made it easier was
that they had people to share their grief with, people who could comfort
them, who could just love them.

So i've been thinking.
I just need to love people.
I need to realize how blessed i am that i have a whole family.
That we haven't suffered a blow that bad, like the Chapmans.
I need to learn from them, how to have faith.
So i'm challenging myself to just take in how much i have,
to always remember that God loves me, and to love
people to the full capacity of my heart.

Maria Sue Chapman, 2003-2008

I see the king of glory

Coming on the clouds with fire

The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy Washing over all our sin

The people sing

Hosanna Hosanna Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation Rising up to take their place

With selfless faith

see a near revival Stirring as we pray and seek

We're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdoms cause

As I go from nothing to Eternity

Hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

and...i'm back

2008-08-07T21:55:00.011-05:00

Hola everybody. This post doesn't exactly have a point...just to warn you...it mostly jumps
from subject to subject. So i apologize in advance for getting you confused.
So...Just got back from a two week long roadtrip with my family.

We drove across the country to get to montana.

It was long to say the least...but pretty fun.

I'm the redhead -> ->

If you know me well...

(which most of you don't assuming your not in my family and your not my close friend.)

You know that i'm stubborn.

Really stubborn.

And i was not happy to be driving 27 hours in the car.

The 1st reason i wasn't happy was because of the drive.

The 2nd reason was because i had just ordered the new

twilight book Breaking Dawn, and it would arrive when

we would be gone.

3rd reason was because i was missing the day when i

go to my high school to get my schedule and locker

combo, where i would see all of my friends that i hadn't seen since may.

The 4th reason was because we would be getting back

home really close to when school was going to start

and i always get abnormally nervous

during the two or three weeks prior to school.

(Don't ask me why...because i honestly do not know.)

And i think there were like two or three other reasons

why i was upset, but i forget.

I realize now that i was wrong for being so mad
I had alot of fun with my family. We got real close during the stay. Mostly because the three days up to montana and three days down, the six of us had to stay in one hotel room.

You might know that you can only have four people to one room,

and if you had extra people you had to pay 20-25$ extra per person.

But we were staying at the places for free because my dad had

lots of points...or something like that.

So we had to sneak into the hotels.

My dad would check in...bring me and my younger sister (2 years

younger than me) with him to carry all the bags, and we would go

to our room.

Then my mom would come with my two other sisters

with her up to the room.

I thought it was pretty funny.

And now i understand why they usually only have four people to a room.
My parents had a bed...me and my sister had a bed...and then my two

youngest sisters slept on an air mattress which was shoved in between

my bed and the wall. You had to step on the air mattress (which was

deflated in the morning) to get to the bathroom. And to sum it all up-

there was only one mirror...and 5 girls.

Really only me, my mom and my sister wear make-up...but

my youngest sister wears "make-up" as well...But it's water.

She takes this little plastic thing and runs it under water and

wears it as mascara, lip-gloss, and eyeshadow. It's the cutest thing.

Except when you have 5 minutes to get ready and she's hogging the mirror.

I discovered something in those 105 hours total of driving...

my two youngest sisters are actually aliens/puffballs
and their names are puffy and bitey.

That's what they were pretending anyway.

It kind of scared me. They were acting way crazy...

but it was fun to video tape.

The not fun part was when they would start cracking

up about nothing. They would get so loud i had to yell

to get their attention. And i did yell...alot.

I'm not sure my parents got the whole experience

of the two girls. because they were in the front and my head

was right in front of them. Ugh. Worst thing.

But....I read Breaking Dawn.

AAAAAHHhhhhhh. I love those books.

The Twilight Series. I cannot even explain my obsession.

My dad drove me to the nearest Walmart in Arizona, at midnight

to get a copy of that book. I was so excited i was shaking.

I could go on for hours about everything in those books.

You would be suprised.

I'm on team Edward. If you don't know what that means.

READ THE BOOK. =)
They're making a movie out of it...it comes out in december.

And tomorrow im going to the mall to get my hair cut and
I'm getting a twilight t-shirt at hot topic.

Yeesh. Happy me.

Sorry.

Anyway. My family is preetttty darn funny.

I might tell some funny stories about them soon.

I love them to death.

I also love the twilight books to death.

Ahh.

I Will Put Out Hell's Fire With a Water Pistol.

2008-07-16T21:39:00.008-05:00

So I just got back from Fusion...or Wednesday night church.

During the sermon tonight, the topic was-in a sense...waking up.
In the beginning of the sermon, Our youth pastor-Nathan-was
talking about how, in the morning, one of his daughters would wake
him up by just standing by his bed waiting for him to open his eyes.
Then he started talking about the song his mom used to sing to
him to get him out of bed. As he said that i started thinking hmmm
my mother does that to me too. Then he said all of a sudden...God
does that to you all the time and i bet you never even knew.
Well that got me thinking.
He then asked everyone...do you sometimes wake up in the
middle of the night wondering why the heck your awake? Or sometimes,
can you just not fall asleep and wonder why its taking so long to fall asleep?

Yes.

Well maybe you just need to ask God...what do you want me to do?
Of course you just might have alot on your mind at the time.
But what if...what if-God is trying to get you to pray for someone,
or maybe he is trying to get you to just understand something thats
going on in your life.

Then he told us that if something like that happens again that we should
just ask. Then listen. Then do.

I dont remember exactly what verses we were studying but the book was
1st Peter, i think.

But anyways Peter was in jail because Herod put him there for reasons
i cannot recall. However Herod put 4 squads with four men each in the jail
guarding Peter becuase he knew that Peter was friends with God...and
of course This King was stronger than the King of the Universe *smirk*
So the whole church heard about this arrest and started praying constantly.

That night Peter was awakened because this Angel had kicked him...
He had two choices to make.
1. Wake up.
2. Say some four letter words and turn over.

He chose to wake up.
And the Angel told him to get up and get dressed...so he did.
And he followed the Angel out of the cell, out of the jail, and
through the gates. (Past all of the guards)
At first Peter thought this was a vision, but then the Angel
left him and Peter was like...woah cool dude!..And went
to a place where some of the people from the
church were praying.

So he knocked on the door and a girl came to the door, and
as soon as she recognized Peter's voice she freaked out
and ran to tell everyone else. (Pastor Nathan claims he
knows this girl is a teenager because she ran and
forgot to open the door because she was so excited..?..although
i have done that before..but so?)

Back to the story. So she ran to tell the church people that
Peter was at the door knocking (still) and that the had
to go see him. But they were all like uhh noo he's
not! God will let him go tomorrow, not tonight.
But they decided to go to the door and sure enough...
there he was. Knocking away.

So in my opinion...the lessons of that story are...
1.Listen to God. Even in the early hours of the morning
...or late hours of the night.
2. God might come when you least expect him to.
3. You cannot personalize God, you cannot expect
him to be whatever you want.
4. Teenagers aren't stupid, and you shouldn't look
down on people or think less of them just because of their age.
(If your going with the whole thing where the girl was a teen)
5.Pray all the time. Because what if the people at the
church were like..hey he won't be killed till tomorrow,
so we will just wait till then to pray for his safety!
Because there are people going through bad things even
when you don't know it. Some of your friends might be having
a hard time at life...and you should be like-
Hey God, i love you will you please help out my buddy?
And the thing is...maybe God wants you to help out your friend
...are you just going to say -uh no thanks, im not good at doing that...
don't think twice about doing something that God wants you to do.
Loose your pride...its whats keeping you back.
Be OUTGOING.
Be KIND.
Be LOVING.

Because believe it or not...it might make someones day.
Or even save their life.
If you just say-hey, i love you man. and give 'em a hug.

Music...

2008-07-05T11:37:00.013-05:00

So this post is about music...its one of the only things i can really talk about for hours at a time. At the moment-i am listening to Yael Naim's song 'New Soul'.

Its a pretty amazing song. Im usually not into the type of music she sings...though..i do not know what music that would be-however it's a cool song. It's got a very happy sound.

You should listen to it if you haven't heard it yet. She has the prettiest accent as well. And im a sucker for accents.

Today i checked the billboards and i found the top ten songs for this week...

1.Katy Perry- I Kissed A Girl

2.Lil Wayne Featuring Static Major- Lollipop

3.Leona Lewis- Bleeding Love

4.Rihanna- Take A Bow

5.Jonas Brothers- Burnin' Up

6.Coldplay- Viva La Vida

7.Plies Featuring Ne-Yo- Bust It Baby Part 2

8.Chris Brown- Forever

9.Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas- This Is Me

10.Natasha Bedingfield- Pocketful Of Sunshine

Well...i dont know what to say about some of these songs...

#1 has a pretty good beat...but some of the lyrics are-questionable.

Two...in my opinion is just a stupid song, i mean-seriously the

words are discusting.

Number three was a pretty good song...but after hearing it seven

times in an hour of one radio station i would think some people would be

tired of it by now.

I like some of Rihanna's music, she's a talented girl, but again...radio

stations have played 'Take A Bow' too many times for my liking.

The Jonas Brothers...love them to death. Seriously. But part of my

passion might be because they are just so darn good looking...but they

do have very good voices...not like some disney stars. Im not saying any names.

My favorite song by them is probably 'Play My Music'.

Now Coldplay...that is some good music. Viva la Vida is my favorite

song off of their new album. If you havent heard Coldplay-you have

most likely been living under a rock for the past i dont know, ten years?

So numero seven...no idea what that song is...and i doubt i want to.

Eight...Chris Brown isnt that bad. Some of his songs are-eh.

However-I dont like that song...its...odd.

Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas duet...its so cute! I am one

of the girls who turned on the television to watch

Disney Channel's first showing of Camp Rock. Both of the kids

have real good voices...so it made the song worth listening to.

Number ten- Pocketful Of Sunshine- This song

is one of the most annoying and catchy songs ever.

I really dislike the song with a strong passion, and yet-

after i heard it, i could not get it out of my head.

Thanks for reading my first real post...

hope you got a few laughs.