Beauty

While I was doing my makeup this morning, I had a thought. 

'I wonder what I would look like with one half of my face done, and the other half bare.' So I did it, thinking 'this bare part of my face is going to look terrible, man I'll be a sight to see.' Then I stopped myself....what?!? What the hell? Is that what I think of myself? And I thought,

'I wish I beautiful.'

Beauty. Why is it something we strive towards everyday? It's just so hard to see yourself and say, "you know what, I am beautiful." 

Not to be arrogant.

Not for other people.

For yourself.

To be able to look in the mirror on a day when you wake up late and wear whatever you can find on your floor and be able to say, "I'm beautiful." Or to dress up and do your hair different and be able to say, "I'm beautiful."

The word beauty has been so jaded by our society. We see it as a status that we have to earn, a goal to achieve. Something that will make us better. 

"Does he think I'm pretty?"

"Am I pretty enough?"

"My makeup looks bad today."

"She's prettier than me."

"Is this too much?"

Stop.

Stop stop stop stop stop.

You ARE beautiful.

You just are. 

I know, it's so hard to say that in our society, but it's something to strive towards. To be able to see ourselves in a different light. 

Not thinking that one half is better than the other. But that together, that's MY face. My own face, it's me. I'm unique, and that's beautiful.

http://missionbasecamp.blogspot.com/

I'm heading to Malawi, South Africa next month and I would really like you're thoughts and prayers!
And if you can, you can donate to my mission trip through this link as well.
Thank you!! :)

Feeling without a body is like breathing without lungs.

My helpful quote for the day

I'm leaving everything I know in less than a week. I sure hope college is a blast.

"If you're feeling frightened about what comes next, don't be.

Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places.

Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart

and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness,

don't waste time with regret. And if you should ever look up

and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over.

Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart...

where your hope lives. You'll find your way again."

-Gilmore Girls

About 7 months now.

It's a very strange feeling, knowing that almost everything in your life is going to completely change in the next 7 months. I won't be with my family all the time. I'm moving away from all of my friends, my church. No more high school. (Thank you Jesus.) It's just weird to know that you're gonna have to make big decisions that will make a huge impact on the rest of your life.
I'm really excited, but really scared.

Almost Christmas!

Winter break is so nice.
I just love Christmas time.

A...Poem?

So this is a poem I wrote that follows absolutely
no pattern at all. haha. It's just random thoughts
all jumbled up into this...thing. :)

A cherished gift,
Grasped tightly with both hands,
Wishing never to let go.
Then everything turns,
The places reversed,
Rust meets sapphire.
It is all understood,
Words are not necessary,
Necessity is intertwining,
Inner-most passion,
However, intensity is not normality.

The balance is shifting,
You're forced to lose control.
Vulnerability is not easily let go.
The thoughtful release of sought out answers.
We want to know, yet afraid of our own judgments.
Fingertips touch, shocked by emotion.
Silence is no longer self-defense.

Winter Retreat 2010

I went to my church's retreat this last weekend.
I've been asked from many different people to explain what this weekend
was like for me, what happened, what I learned.
Honestly, I can't think of a better way to explain it, but through writing.
Because when I talk about it, I tend to forget major details,
please bear with me as I jump from topic to topic. :)

Friday, February 12th-Day 1

Who is God?
We usually associate who he is, through what he means to us at the moment,
or in the current situation we are in.
For example, if you are upset, you view him as your comforter (which he is).
If you are unhappy, you may view him as your joy. (which he also is.)
Or if you are heartbroken, you may view him as your healer. (again, he is.)
But we tend to associate him only with those things that we want him to be.
We forget that he is so much more than our healer, comforter and our joy.
He is every good and amazing thing we could ever think of.
Which blows my mind.

A heart needs four things. (according to Jon Tyson.)
1. A sense of Wonder.
2. A quest for Truth.
3. True Love.
4. Security.

Jesus is all of those things.
Many people look for these things in everything other than God.
I'm not saying that you cannot have wonder, truth, love and security
in people. But before you can truly find those things in people, you
have to find them in God.

He's forgiven everyone for all of the horrible things you've done.
All of the sins that you've committed.
He was there when you did them, and he's here now.

Saturday, February 13th-Day 2

The speed of Life.
We go through everyday constantly thinking about what else we have
to accomplish that day, that week, that month, that year.

People find life so hard to appreciate now because we have an
idealized future. But we have to fully engage ourselves in what's
going on NOW. Not tomorrow, not yesterday, now.

(Matthew 6 v. 25, Do not worry about tomorrow, today has enough
trouble of it's own.)

God doesn't think about our to-do list, or the mistakes we've made in the past.
He cares about us today, and everyday.
You cannot find God if you rush through your life.

To be able to live in the now, we have to be able to pray about our
problems, to be still, and spend time with God.
A lot of people know the bible, very few know themselves.

We need to:
1. Walk slowly through the world.
2. Take the time to notice where God is working, and has worked in your life.
3. Be here NOW. Be fully present.

Sunday, February 14th-Day 3

We have to be able to arrange our lives in the way where sin and temptation
no longer looks good to us. We have to be so on fire for God that we are no
longer affected by the things that Satan is tempting us with.

All temptation is, is something to try and make you doubt God.

Satan will do anything in his power to rob you of your Joy.
Because joyless Christianity, is not Christianity, because our God
is a God of complete Joy.

Christianity is about Joy and Celebration.


Alright, well that's what I learned this weekend, and I hope
you learned something as well. :)

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully rung with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell."
-CS Lewis.

For you I'd bleed myself dry.

I am a firm and solid believer that love is a movement and the only movement that is worth putting in motion. Love is a revolution and can change the world and should not be taken lightly. If people were to set a pattern of love, it would cause others to do the same, setting of a movement that could change the world not out of selfish ambition but through longing to see the most important element we have come alive in this world: love.

What happens...happens.

It's a good idea to pray about what you're supposed
to do about everything you're worried about.
This advice can be considered hypocritical, because
I consider myself religious and yet I don't pray about everything.

But honestly, not being in control of your life takes alot off your shoulders.
Just pray about everything and surrender it.

What happens is meant to happen even if it's not what you planned.

College

Everyone's always talking about what they want to do when they get older.
The thing they're majoring in in college. And yeah, people always say
"You don't have to know your major until your junior year"
Yeah?!? Well then why are people always bothering me about it?
I tell them I don't know, and they give me a knowing look with a sad nod and say, "Oh, well don't worry."
It's hard not to when people are freaking out about it.
Honestly.
I don't know what I want to do, where I want to go, what subjects I like. I don't even know what im good at.
This is awesome.

Failure.

I am not ashamed of my failures because
I know that I have the power to fix them.

And so it goes

We are singing this song in choir, and I really like it.
So I decided to post the lyrics :)

In every heart there is a room.
A sanctuary safe and strong.
To heal the wounds from lovers past.
Until a new one comes along.

I spoke to you in cautious tones.
You answered me with no pretense.
And still I feel I said too much.
My silence is my self defense.

And every time I've held a rose,
It seems I only felt the thorns.
And so it goes, and so it goes.
And so will you soon I suppose.

But if my silence made you leave,
then that would be my worst mistake.
So I will share this room with you,
and you can have this heart to break.

And this is why my eyes are closed.
It's just as well for all I've seen.
and so it goes, and so it goes.
And you're the only one who knows.

So, I would choose to be with you.
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decideions too,
and you can have this heart to break

And so it goes and so it goes
and you're the only one who knows.

-Billy Joel
And so it goes

Odd.

Life has been strange lately...
everything has been changing so rapidly.
School's going by fast.
Making new friends.
Trying not to lose old ones.

Day 7

So today I helped out in our kid connect thing with all the second graders.
I don't have any more energy. Those children are just crazy.
I had three girls in my group and like 8 boys.
Honestly, no offense to guys, but little boys are just plain annoying.
Girls are so much more calm and collected and sweet.
Boys are just like hitting and playing with swords and throwing
things at eachother. Ugh.
But anyway. Today is the last day for this school blog thing.
And I still have to finish working on some chapters for U.S. history.
Andddd I have to clean my room, andddd
I have area bible studies tonight.
But I enjoy that.

Busy week ahead of me.
Summer please come quickly.

Day 6

Whoops. I forgot to write on here yesterday.
Oh well. It was a pretty uneventful and long day yesterday.
Well except for the fact that Josiah died.
On his birthday.
He was the guy that I talked about a few days ago.
His entire church was praying for him, as well as our
entire high school. But, some good things came out of
it. He saved five lives with his organs.
His memorial service is on tuesday.
This is depressing.

Day 5

These last two days of school have felt like two weeks.
Literally.
It's just horrible.
And guess what?
School started on thursday, I have two tests on monday,
wednesday, and friday. Isn't school just wonderful?
But anyway, tomorrow is saturday so that's good.
But I have to read three chapters and take notes the whole
day. But then it's sunday and its church time. yaaay.

Day 4

School started today. Got up at five forty.
Not. Fun.
For the entire day, in every SINGLE class, all we learned were rules.
My Schedule...

1st period- Statistics. The teacher seems pretty awesome.
But its math. Me + Math = Bad things.

2nd period- English III Honors. I think it's gonna be a fun class.
Except for all of the video projects we will have to do.
Fabulous.

3rd period- Chemistry. My Teacher is insane. She doesn't like me already.
She said she could "see the talking" in my eyes. Whaaat? No.

4th period- Visual Communications. I'm really excited for this class!
The first half is going to be about design and such, and the second half
is all about photography! Woo!

5th period- AP U.S. History. This is going to be a haaaard class.
Which I knew going into it. But, I like history, so it's all good.

6th period- Lunch! We have an hour again, which is awesome.

7th- Chamber Choir. This will be...interesting. Since it's a step up
from regular chorus and you had to audition, it's gonna be pretty hard.
But hopefully....a good GPA booster.

8th- Study Hall. This class is insane. There are 200 kids in the cafe
and only one teacher. Not good.

Anyway...after school I came home and relaxed for a while.
Then I met up with some people and we went to target to get some
school stuff then we went out to eat. It was pretty awesome.
It's friday tomorrow.
But it's school.
It makes me want to vomit.